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[25 Aug 2003|09:34pm] |
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oops. Sorry chris, I mean freeopendiary.com
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[23 Aug 2003|06:25pm] |
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Hey ya'll, I moved my journal to freeopenjournal.com. It's just easier and I like the format better. My username is secret chord. Check me out yo.
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| tolkien is god |
[16 Aug 2003|11:55am] |
All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But... I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.[I fear] to stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.
But no living man am I! You look upon a woman.
I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity.
[Eowyn (Shield Maiden of Rohan: Lord of the Rings)]
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| eek |
[09 Aug 2003|06:56pm] |
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Rosie! I miss you! Come BAAAAAAAACK!
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| I don't know what to Think! |
[04 Aug 2003|06:36pm] |
The worldwide phenomenon that re-engulfed us on June 21, the latest instalment from J.K. Rowling's magical imagination, has gone quiet over the past month. Perhaps it's because millions of people, children and adults alike, have worked out that at the centre of the world's greatest ever publishing endeavour is a character is who is dull, dumb and dirty.
Underline dirty. The rot sets in early in the first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Page 20: "Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed [and] put them on ... When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen."
Page 68: "Harry woke at five o'clock the next morning ... He got up and pulled on his jeans because he didn't want to walk to the station in his wizard robes."
Book two, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, is no cleaner. Dirty Harry is still rolling out of bed and into his clothes or out of his clothes and into his pyjamas.
Page 125-6: "He got up, dressed ..." Page 136: "Harry woke up ... dressed quickly and hurried off."
In book three, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, we pass the 750-page mark and he still hasn't showered or taken a bath.
Page 46: "He got up, dressed ..." Page 56: "Tom woke Harry with his usual toothless grin and a cup of tea. Harry got dressed ..." Page 130: "Harry woke extremely early ... got up, dressed ..."
Hasn't Rowling forgotten something? Don't they teach hygiene at Hogworts? By book four, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, grime has become routine. Page 28: "He got to his feet, stretched and went to his wardrobe once more ... He started to get dressed before going down to breakfast."
Page 62: "Harry felt around for his glasses, put them on and sat up ... They dressed in silence ..." Page 106: "He slipped down from the bunk and reached for his clothes." Page 141: "Harry awoke ... got dressed ..." Page 201: "He got up, dressed in the pale light ..." Page 253: "Harry woke up ... dressed and went down ..."
By now, even the other wizard kids have began to notice. Some have begun wearing badges declaring, "POTTER STINKS".
Yet Rowling doesn't get her own hint. Page 294: "Harry got up on Sunday and dressed ..."
Finally, on page 398 of volume four, Dirty Harry confronts the b-word: "Harry had no idea how long a bath he would need ..." But then we discover it's not really a bath he is thinking about, it's another of those trials he has to pass - and this one requires him to solve it in a large bath. False alarm.
By book five, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, it may be the biggest launch in publishing history but nothing has changed.
Page 7: "His jeans were torn and dirty ..." Page 95: "Half an hour [after waking] Harry and Ron, who had dressed and breakfasted quickly ..."
Page 112: "He leapt out of bed ... Mrs Weasley had laid out his freshly laundered jeans and T-shirt at the foot of his bed. Harry scrambled into them."
Page 146: "On the very last day of the holidays Harry was sweeping up Hedwig's owl droppings from the top of the wardrobe ..."
Page 163: "He awoke abruptly ... [and] dressed at top speed." Page 251: "Harry was the first to wake up ... got up and started to dress."
I'm up to page 500 in book five. Maybe there's a cleansing wash at the end but by now we've had five volumes, almost 2500 pages, and more than two dozen references to Harry's morning and bedtime routines with no shower, bath or even wash included.
He is also as dumb as a doorknob. His dialogue is woeful. Somehow he passes his exams each year, but that appears to be the work of Rowling because there is little evidence of any wit or wisdom in the text. "Shut up!" is a favoured retort. Harry reacts stupidly, and sometimes even violently, to taunts.
The real hero of this wonderful world of creatures and magical devices is Hermione Grainger. She provides all the brainpower while Harry provides the reckless courage. Between them they reaffirm every negative stereotype about the superiority of girls over boys in scholastic aptitude.
Rowling is a deserving billionaire. She has single-handedly rejuvenated the genre of children's literature and given pleasure to tens of millions of children and adults. While we don't expect her to detail his ablutions, if Harry is meant to be a role model could she please, please, get him to take a shower?
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[30 Jul 2003|06:38pm] |
Did you know...
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
A shrimp's heart is in its head.
In a study of 200,000 ostriches
over a period of 80 years,
no one reported a single case where
an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
It is physically impossible
for pigs to look up into the sky.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
More than 50% of the people in the world
have never made or received a telephone call.
Horses can't vomit.
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"
is said to be the toughest tongue twister
in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
If you try to suppress a sneeze,
you can rupture a blood vessel
in your head or neck and die.
If you keep your eyes open by force,
they can pop out.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months,
two rats could have over a million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour
will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
If the government has no knowledge of aliens,
then why does Title 14, Section 1211
of the Code of Federal Regulations,
implemented on July 16, 1969,
make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact
with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
In every episode of Seinfeld
there is a Superman somewhere.
A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and no one knows why.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide
are caused by people sitting on them
and photocopying their butts.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints,
everyone's tongue print is different.
Over 75% of people who read this
will try to lick their elbow.
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| grawp |
[22 Jun 2003|07:52pm] |
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
D
O
N
O
T
R
E
A
D
I
F
Y
O
U
R
N
A
M
E
I
S
R
O
S
E
,
C
H
R
I
S
,
S
T
E
P
H
,
O
R
L
A
U
R
E
N
Whenever I read something truly great, I always feel the need to write. Prolificly.
From the very first page I could tell this was going to be different. Beautifully, heartbreakingly different. I've grown up with these books, honestly, I have. I read SS in elementary school and have experienced the interregnums between 1 and 2, 2 and 3, 3 and 4, and now, 4 and 5.
The first four, well, I read them while I was growing up. I was very much as childish as the trio. They were children's books because they were about children.
In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, our boy grows up.
Oh my, does he grow up. My love for him has increased a thousand fold. As has my love for Hermione, and H/HR.
In OtP, Harry fucks up. Royally. I must use profanity because screwed is too mild a word. I knew the whole time that this occlumency dream thing was going to end badly, but goodness me. I believe Dumbledore said it best, so I'll let him explain it.
My heart is broken.
This is not a children's book.
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[19 Jun 2003|10:15am] |
| amione_voix | | Magic Number | 13 | | Job | Most Hated Person - Ever | | Personality | The Glass Is Half-Empty | | Temperament | An Oft-Exploding Volcano | | Sexual | Just Say No | | Likely To Win | A Free Coke | | Me - In A Word | Evil | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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| Argh |
[15 Jun 2003|08:57pm] |
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| eek |
[15 Jun 2003|05:05pm] |
5 days.
That is all.
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| MUAHAHAHAHAHA |
[13 May 2003|06:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
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| [ |
music |
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lauren telling me how gay He-man is |
] |
I am talking to Lauren, Lauren says: seagulls are like the moon, they never, ever turn purple, and when people look at the moon, they do turn purple, but sometimes, they don't burp for a very long time and all this air builds up inside them, and they grow really long hair and buy dark sunglasses and turn into howard stern.
That is just a little bit of profoundness for you.
Oh, I have been screaming about 38 days all school day, and people keep saying, "no no stupid girl, school out in 23 days" and I'm like "no no stupid people, my world doesn't being until 38 days from now, with OOTP!!!!!"
and then say, "what, are you in a cult or something."
and I say, "kinda."
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| hmmm |
[10 May 2003|10:54am] |
My life is so beautiful now. AP test is done and passed, *hopefully* and I have no homeword. Will frolic off to Christa's play tonight with Kylie.
Oh, and best of show? Best movie ever.
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| dude |
[29 Apr 2003|03:34pm] |
I think Chris thinks I forgot his birthday. Monkey.
Rose's present for him is cooler than mine, damn the girl. Must she beat me in everything, first air hockey, now this.
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| Argh |
[28 Apr 2003|04:11pm] |
You know what pisses me off most about the whole fucking thing?
That now I am so angry I cannot concentrate on memorizing my speech. It's very inconvenient, and not something I want to deal with right now.
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| rose is sucking up to the gay community |
[25 Apr 2003|04:41pm] |
I don't know what rosie is trying to do. But by the random comments she leaves on gay peoples journals about how she admires, I think she is trying to inaugurate herself into a secret slash society.
Will investigate.
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| dude |
[12 Apr 2003|07:04pm] |
Poltergeist, dude.
I have never laughed so hard in my life.
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| Yo, orange juice and ginger beer |
[09 Apr 2003|04:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
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| [ |
music |
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Aida - is it written in the stars |
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I am kinda excited for the concert tonight. I dunno why. I think it is because it kinda completes a circle in my life. I remember watching the Madrigals do the Wizard of Oz medley when I was in 6th grade and saying to myself, 'wow, my new life goal is to do that.'
And irony of ironies, the first year I get into Madrigals, we do. Anywhozit, prancing around in a yellow tutu is SO all it's cracked up to be...even though Lauren says I remind her of Jim Carrey.
Hey, spring break, yo. I say we all go to either Eureka or Medford together!
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